Meeting personally

Meeting each other first time for marriage can be a little awkward at times. It may not be easy to deal with various questions within you (like how to start, what you should speak & what you should not speak, whether everything will go smoothly, etc.). For making the situation more comfortable for each other, it is preferable to have a conversation over a video chat or skype or on the phone before meeting personally. This may help to ease the conversation on meeting.  If you are unable to have that conversation before meeting then do ensure that you have all the basic background of guy / girl ready with you like family details, personal details of your importance, etc. There is no point in meeting someone if your basic expectation does not match.

The first thing to consider is logistics of the meeting. You need to decide a place that is known to both of you and is peaceful so that you can have your conversation without too many disturbances. An open restaurant or a coffee shop or a jogger’s parks are good places if you are meeting alone. In case you are meeting along with your families then it is preferable to have it at your house or in a family restaurant.

You also need to decide the time for meeting. Ensure to be on time for the meeting as this will set the first impression. You need to be in smart and comfortable attire. Usually formals or semi formals are preferable for the guys. The girls can have a light make up and dress as per their culture & tradition.

Starting a conversation is a little difficult; hence either of you can start with generic topics like about your work, hobbies, favourite food, movies, sports, etc. Once you are involved in the conversation you can shift to sensitive discussionslike each other’s expectations about life partner, marriage, family issues if any, drinking, smoking, girlfriends / boyfriends, late night working after marriage, etc. In all the conversations, keep in mind the attributes of the girl / guy you want. The key is to be relaxed and honest with your opinion as this is one of the most important decision of your life. There is no right or wrong opinion (you are not in job interview); it is just your view. Don’t be shy or hesitant to speak in alone or on any odd topic which you wish to discuss as you need to know everything before you proceed further.  In today’s busy world, it’s no point in going ahead with several meetings if you feel that things may not workout in the first meeting.

During the conversation there may be some close ended questions which can be answered with a simple Yes or NO. However there may be some open ended questions; in which you need to be elaborate with your answer and explain in detail your views.  Do ask questions, the point here is not just to get answers, but to understand the other person as well. Even if things don’t workout, the process will improve your general knowledge and experience.

In such a situation when you meet for the first time along with your parents or relatives, the process may be different. There could be initial round of introduction followed with questions from parents/relatives. This is normal as either of them don’t have too much family information. When you get a chance to speak to alone, be open to ask & answer questions. If you don’t get a chance to speak in alone, insist for it. You can ask your parents to make such an arrangement well in advance.  If you are with parents, chances are that you might not get enough time to speak. If you like the each other, be open to have another conversation later on. It is fine if you ask on how to proceed further or how can you speak again. Today you have liberty of speaking on mobile, with so many new applications. However, avoid adding the other person to your friends list in you social networking site in first meeting. You will get this opportunity later on; however if things don’t workout, it might become uncomfortable later on.

After the meeting, if someone asks for your opinion, avoid being judgmental immediately and let them know that you need some more time to think. Never decide about your life in just one meeting, no matter how much you like the other person. Take your call only after meeting/speaking to the person few more times.

No matter what the outcome is, be polite, graceful and respectful in your conversation. Don’t be shy or too aggressive and be clear in what you convey as your expectations. These meetings will help you to finally select your soulmate.

Just remember, these sweet memories will always be there in your life.